Proverbs 29:10
The bloodthirsty hate the upright: but the just seek his soul.
Why does the just seek the soul of a bloodthirsty man?  I believe it is to try to reach that soul for Christ.  They need forgiveness just like the rest of us.

Psalm 19:13 Keep back thy servent also from presumpuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transression.


All Week the Burden Has Grown

Dear Lord, I come in tears.
I feel my soul pressed
to pray for one without You.
You have said in Your Word
to those that don’t trust You.
I love them too much to endure
the thought of that suffering
being inescapable for eternity.
I wish he knew that Your love
isn’t like those on Earth.
And sometimes Your touch hurts.
But You are good.
You don’t plan an easy life
just the best life
with golden streets at the end.

Send away the devils that cloud his mind!
Use Your power to soften his heart!
He must chose You
but work on him
as a farmer does to soil
so the message can sink in.
I know that You want him
to be spared from hell as well.
If I’m to hurt longer than so be it.
But I beg he run to You
for forgiveness and healing.


Passion and Purity 43: A New Act of Creation

"Ive already blown it," some readers will be saying. "The standard is impossible. No way can I start picking up the pieces now."

Using that logic I should keep flirting with sin and Edward and go on because we’ve blown it.

That would be right if we we’re unable to please God with our lives from this point. But God didn’t fry us in Eden because we could though. That is the beauty of God’s plan and His power.

First He forgives then He gives us an opportunity to change your lives to honour Him.  But that power only comes from God.

Now that is the last chapter in this book. But my journey isn’t over so I will still have commentary on my growth.  I’m going to spend my non-fiction reading time finishing The Art of War that Edward gave me. I have a book about the virtuous woman for after that.  I’m not digging into it now because I noticed that a lot of it has to do with being a mother.  That isn’t happening soon.


Dear Ex-Girlfriend

We come to church on Easter.  Family and old friends still bind us loosely. You jokes that my earrings that brush past my shoulders are too short.  I laugh and I thank God that we talk.  You’ve forgiven me as you’ve said God would want.  If only I could feel that forgiveness myself.

I feel as if i can’t tell you that you’re beautiful today.  Would you find that offensive? Would you feel like it was the past where I would say it so I could use you?

I understand how God forgives so because He is mighty above all.  But you are human.  I know you would say I’m forgiven but I wish I could believe it.

Could you handle that I relapsed?  Would you still feel the same about Edward if you knew what we went though?

Should I stay in the closet because of you?

Can I tell you that you are beautiful today?


I was going to church to help prepare for services today, when my pastor asks me to check the pews for out of place hymnbooks and Bibles. I joyfully took the job because it kept me out of the kitchen.

After I was done going though the pews, I went back to the kitchen rejoicing. God was using me. I wasn’t even worthy to fill the coffee maker with water. But God forgave my past sin and is making me useful for Him.

I need to be more thankful for my opportunities to serve.


Void of Meaning

I’m going to admit that I listen to npr I even follow them here on tumblr. You can start hating me now.

Today I was listening and Alain de Botton was on a show talking about his new book Religion for Atheists.  He argued that there was no problem with taking religious ideas and applying them to Atheists life.  There are benefits to religion and some comfort in it.

He argued that the problem with religion is that if it means something it divides people.  Since the Atheists don’t believe that they can take the “good” parts of religion.

I thought the “good” part of religion was being forgiven by a almighty God.

I get what he is saying about religion.  Every belief worth its salt tells us that not following it means that you are damned to some kind of punishment.  Therefore I can say I’m compelled to say, “Jesus saves” because I need to save you from hell.

I’ve asked questions before of what the point of certain action are, I’m starting to learn.  How is one truly comforted by adopting the Jewish day of atonement for forgiveness from men only?  I sorta understand why but I still remember having the forgiveness of man lead to Google searches on how to kill myself.  Then again I doubt they have as much to feel guilty about as I do.


Passion & Purity: 30 A “Small” Sin

This chapter was hard to read.  Elisabeth was learning that Jim wasn’t perfect and had done so much as kiss other girls since he had stopped talking to her.  I felt like I was peering into the mind of Edward’s future wive when she hears about his relationship with me.  I’m hoping I thought of that only because the feminine tone Elisabeth gives each chapter don’t remind me of how my future husband should sound.

Jim is sorry for his actions and is thankful to God for forgiveness.  I know this feeling well.  It doesn’t mean we can indulge yourselves in sin, but if we slip up forgiveness is offered.

Dear Lord, I know my actions have hurt my future husband as well as Edward.  I have asked you to forgive me and I know that I’m forgiven and I can’t stop thanking you for that.  I ask that my future husband is prepared to news of my past.



I Thank God

… for forgiveness.  Sin was like a sea that I could not swim shore in.  I was drowning and grasping to things of the world to relieve my guilt.  But none of them were a saving boat.

Then Jesus came walking above the sin-filled tide.  He reached a nail scared hand for me.  I was hard necked however and clung to my drift wood that was being eaten away by the corruption around.

Soon the wasn’t enough for me to stay afloat with.  I had to find something else to hold on to.  The nearest thing was Jesus.  I that once I took His hand, He wouldn’t want to let go.  I then took His hand.

He washed my in His blood to remove the stains of the I gotten in the corrupting waves.  I now am clean on the life boat of the redeemed.  There is still room here for you if you want to leave the flood of sin, shame and guilt.


Dear Lord, I’m amazed you could still love me after all I’ve done.  Thank you for that.  I will forever worship you for that reason.

Dear Lord, I’m amazed you could still love me after all I’ve done.  Thank you for that.  I will forever worship you for that reason.

(via thepastorsdaughter)


Everyone of us has offended God and has been considered his enemy. Everyone of us is deserving only death. Praise the Lord for his grace which has transformed us from foe to friend; from stranger to child; from death to life. Lifting my hands in grateful praise!


Restoring Respect: Writing Fan Fiction and LARPing

Days like the days I was at the sci fi convection, I lived as my persona would have for the most part. I did some LARPing.

When I was home I would write fan fiction. Not something that has all the characters sleeping together. I like to have one original character and few cannon characters.

I know I’m writing a more important story. Everyday a heavenly pen is writing my every action on earth in a book that will be read at the end of time. Its not fiction but it is the story of a woman trying to live the role that God has for her out of love for Him.

There is very little difference between the two. I think of the words of the Casting Crowns’ song, “I wanna sign Your [God’s] name at the end of this day.” But the song is wrong about when we can sign His name.

If we have accepted His forgiveness He has taken every action and sin we do in a day. He has signed His name on my days in His blood. I think of the illustration of God’s forgiveness given by Joshua Harris in I Kissed Dating Goodbye of Jesus overwriting Joshua’s name with His own on the acts that Joshua had done in his life.

Are your days ones that you feel ashamed to have Jesus call His? Are you sure you are forgiven? I know for sure my days are forgiven, I’m still not proud of some of the days I give to Jesus, but I’m sure of my status with Him. You can be too. Message me and I can get back to you it you can talk to your pastor.