Last night NCIS LA ended and I packed up my laptop and said I was going upstairs to watch Fringe. Daddy said he didn’t care.
“Don’t you care what your daughter does?” I asked.
“I don’t care what you watch on TV as long as isn’t weird,” he answered.
The case that the Fringe team investigated in that episode was a cult of people genetically altering themselves to become flying porcupines. It’s weird, ok?
But it oddly had me pining for Edward. He cared and therefore noticed things that others didn’t, like my limp or that I hadn’t forgiving myself for my past. I fell for him all over again there was none of my addiction behind it. I just felt like God and Edward were the only two that cared for that moment. I asked God to take it away.
Then God told me to tell his accountability partner not to let him buy anything of a certain sent I like. I followed the leading then read the chapter.
In the last chapter Elisabeth and Jim get married. But Elisabeth said that passion and purity doesn’t end at the alter. She speaks of falling out of love and how you never feel fully infatuated for the whole marriage and that marriage is about pleasing the the other person regardless of weather the other person is pleasing you.
I remembered the night after I had come back from our first real life meaning. Edward manipulated me and gave in to his addiction for the first time since I became aware of it. But I thought he had the signs for marriage now too. I acted normal and told him that I trusted him less then ever. After I hung up though I rolled into a ball on grandma’s living room floor and cried. I can’t say if that is a full falling out of love moment since I’m still longing for the guy though.
She then speaks of that blind love that happens when in infatuation love.
Try to remember the vision that “being in love” gave you of what that person was. You found no fault in him or her. “Behold, thou art fair, my love, there is no spot in thee,” Solomon said to his beloved. Is it blindness to see a sinful man or woman thus? I think it is a special gift of vision, the power to see for a little while what God meant when He made that person….
I felt bad for Edward again. I never wanted that view of a man. I thought that made people do stupid things. Turns out that you don’t always need it to be stupid. He is a great man that has as addiction and is too tall and too skinny but for some reason still want to love. Did I take away from the emotions of an infatuated girl that he should have been on the reserving end of?
Love takes work of serving the other person.
Then I get word that Edward has something of that forbidden sent. I get all angry at him because he could be doing anything good with it. Now that I’m done writing this I know that his accountability partner was joking. God used it to get me out of that season of longing though.
God, thank you for answering my prayer. I know that my love my still be misplaced and that You should be the one to fulfill my needs when I’m lonely. Please keep me on the right track and growing closer to You.